first goodbyes...

I can't believe you are not here any longer! That you are all the way over there, and we are here!
It is great to know we have plans for next year (I am yet not thinking about that I'll be leaving Liam at home...)!

Driving back from the airport, on the bridge, was so hard! I remember all the feelings from when I was driving there after picking you up! I remember what you guys said... like sister saying: sister, are we going under water? And dad saying: oh, are we already in Sweden, as we were driving by the Sweden sign!
I miss you so much!
It was so great to have these extra days! To just talk, relax and being family!

I got my webcam out, but it is too old for my computer... since my computer is old, the webcam must be very old!
I'll get a new one as soon as I go into town!

Max and I spent an extra day at Lotta's! He enjoys being around his cousins! Oscar and Max did a lot of floor time together! Oscar is crawling, but he would lay down on his tummy right in front of Max several times...
Max was watching Oscar very closely as he would crawl off; I think he is trying to figure out how to do that!


Liam was happy I was back! He is doing his last day of school tomorrow; then he's on summer break for five weeks! I am trying to figure out what to do; he will need lots of activities not to get bored!
We are all looking forward to go to the camp with all the other kids and their families! Even more now that grandpa decided to go with us!!! WOW!!!

Riding camp photos

Riding camp

I'm back from a wonderful weekend with Stephanie, Sofia, Camilla and Caroline (Josefin couldn't come).
Steph has a pool in her garden and Saturday it was great weather, so we all just laid there, sunbathing and swimming! Stephanie's husband, Magnus, was our chef and servant, making delicious dinners and drinks! We were so spoiled!!!

Robert had had a great time with the boys; of course ALL relatives came to help him out... wonder why they never show up when I am alone with the kids;-)!

Max looked at me strangely for half a minute, then he figured out who I was! Liam was already asleep when I got home (Max should have been, but morfar Lennart, who was babysitting while Robert went to pick me up, probably picked Max up from bed at the first little sound:-)First time babysitting!).
Liam was so thrilled in the morning when I walked in and would not let me go! I had to go with him to the stable! Finally, when he heard and smelled all the horses it was ok for me to go home!

Today Liam went to riding camp! He had been tired in the morning but in the afternoon he had gone for a long ride!!!
Max sat on a horse for the first time today! Born to be a rider, just as his brother! I have pictures; will publish them tomorrow!

I'm a bit stressed out at the moment! It always takes me a couple of days to catch up with everything when I've been away! Tomorrow I promised Liam I would go with him to riding camp, at least half the day; then I have a board meeting in the evening, and THEN, maybe I'll be on track again!
We love you, miss you and can't wait to see you!!!!

Time out!

On Friday I leave... wont be back until Sunday night (late)! I'm going to Uppsala, north of Stockholm to spend the weekend with five of my very best friends; the CP-moms!
They all have children with cerebral palsy and somehow it feels like my life is NORMAL when I'm with them!
I don't have to explain how tiring it is to always find a letter about a doctor's appointment in the mail, how I can't open a closet w/o making a mental note of when I have to place the next order of whatever is in that closet, how to try being a mom/wife with other people in the house all the time and so on! They all have that as well; we rarely talk about those things, but we all share the understanding that everything we do, is besides all that! We all share a main priority and everything else is second!
These are the girls (women:-)?) I started the Swedish Cerebral Palsy Association with! We take time out every 3-4 months to go see each other, do some board work, but mostly just hang out, talk, laugh (a lot), cry (one of us usually break apart at some time during the weekend), eat good, drink good and SLEEP (not all have night assistance as Liam has, so they are still up most nights, like I was, until a year ago!)

This picture is from the first meeting! Since then three more have joined. Upper row left is Josefin, mother of Julia, who is just a couple of months older than Liam. I have known her since fall of 2004. Josefin is a troubled soul, dealing a lot with her experiences as a child/growing up; some of it, I gather, is running away from feelings about what happened to Julia. Julia has a sister, Linnéa, 3 years old!.
On my right is Camilla, mother of Jacob, 5 years old. He is a lot like Liam, no speech, mentally challenged, severe epilepsy and all that. Jacob has a brother, Samuel, who is 12!
Kattis (Katharina), to the left, has three little boys! We first met on the Internet, on a pregnant-website! We met for coffee a couple of times while pregnant; went for rides with the car to the countryside! It wasn't like we hit it off real good; it was more convenient since we lived real close to each other! After Robert and I moved out of the city to our first house, it took about six months and Kattis and her husband moved there too! We have been sisters ever since!
Elias has hemiplegia, epilepsy, but his main issue is ADHD. His brothers are Isak (my godson) 4, and Daniel, 1! Kattis is now pregnant with twins...!
Sofia is a very special friend! She is the mother of River, 5½ years and Phoebe, 3 (her husband is Brittish and an ex-hippie (he suggested Max would be named Star, had he been a girl:-))).
River has severe cerebral palsy, but has no impairment to his mental development!
Camilla and I, who have children who do, think that that must be much harder... Sofia, Kattis and Josefin think it is harder for us:-)!
River is smart a whip, but gets frustrated a lot when he can't do all he wants to do!
Sofia is from the north, but left her home and family (very religious), after her mother said she got River for her sins! She now lives south of Stockholm!
Sofia is the caretaker of all the moms! She always have time to answer the same questions over and over, so that all new cp-moms know how to do, what authorities to contact, what to put in an application and what to leave out! Before Max, I used to do that, too! Nowadays I concentrate on the families with bonding issues, or/and those saying "my child can not do anything" (ALL children can do something, most can do ANYTHING/EVERYTHING, some just need a little help)!
Sofia also looks out for our special group and alert the rest of us when we need to get to work with someone who is not doing well! She alerted me that one of us (Sara, who is not in the picture) was in really bad shape in December! I did what I could, took over the admin for all staff of Sara's son for a while... Sara, however, is also a strong-minded person, who has difficulties letting someone else take charge, so she is just now starting to recover... I am glad to see some of my advice have been used!
Sofia is a lot like me! She takes defeats well and knows that being strong is not about not falling apart! It is about being able to still look forward and ahead!

Since this picture was taken, Caroline and Stephanie are now also part of the board. Caroline is the mother of Sebastian, also playing in Liam's league, but with a lot more respitory problems! Sebastian has a sister, Lovisa, who is 1½.
Stephanie is the mother of Olivia, 7, who is a lot like River. Stephanie is a happy-go-lucky kind of person; always laughing! I have known her for about two years over the Internet, but only mer her once! It is to her house we are going this time!

It is getting really late, but I'm glad I took the time to tell you about my very special friends! They mean the world to me! I'll post pictures from the trip on Sunday!
I hope you have the best of times on the Riviera!!! We love and miss you SOOOOOO much!!!!

Good morning

Progress

Today Max One Sock said Ma as I walked in the door and he saw me! I wonder if all that mamamamama-training is starting to pay off:-)?
Eeeh is still his favorite sound, but we are hearing a few more! His high pitch sounds are getting louder and I think he has figured out that Dancing Soul Liam reacts to it!

Hahaha... still has his funny laughter!

He is a bit afraid to lay down from sitting up, but we're practicing it a lot! He is reaching for things that are out of his reach and seems generally more interested in everything around him! He also uses his feet to get a grip to move towards he wants to go and is very interested in what is UNDER/BEHIND things:-)!
BUT... he has started to whine if I leave his sight for even a second; not even if I talk to him while getting something is he happy... I need to be in sight ALL the time! Wonderful development... but oh, how tiring to hear to whining! Yesterday, when Robert walked in the door, I went outside! Rain was pouring down, but I went out and did garden work for a couple of hours! It was so good to rest my ears!
I rarely do things like that! Robert said he felt it like I was human, for once... finally had to have a break, even from the children! (I didn't really have to, but I felt like it and did it... big progress for me:-))!

Max has also started to wake up a lot in the evenings... last night he was up between 8.30 pm and 11.30 pm, just that time when I prepare for the next day! It's been a couple of late nights!
Tonight I made him stay in bed and just rocked the crib instead... it has worked so far! It is now midnight... we'll see!
But I love all this progress! Even the waking up and whining! It is so normal!

Dancing Soul Liam is fine! He and Victor went on a race with Liam's walker in the forest today! He was so excited!
We were supposed to go to the city park on Sunday, had a picknick packed and were ready to go when Liam had a seizure. He was ok, but fell asleep and slept for two hours. We decided to have the picnic at home instead!


When Liam woke up and felt better we went to the playground at one of the schools here in Taberg! Liam had the walker and was racing!
A little boy, about 7 years old, was so curious! And after a while he started playing with Liam! He would stand at the pedestrian crossing (the playground is like a race track, with gas station, parking spaces, pedestrian crossings, road signs etc.) and just as Liam would come, he would start to cross, making Liam wait... later he took his bike and raced with Liam! My eyes teared up! Liam made a friend without ANY help from me or the assistant!!!!

I had brought toys for Max to play in the sand but he was happy on the swing and almost fell asleep!


We have had a good few days! Missing you terribly, of course, but are looking forward to see you again soooooon!
Finally, a picture from the bedroom window, Sunday morning, as I pulled the curtains up:-)!

birthday party

Liam went to his first birthday party today, at least the first REAL birthday party, where parents were not allowed! It was Thindra's party (assistant Ulrica's oldest daughter; the little care taker girl!). Liam had bought her a necklace and a butterfly hairpin (I hear from Ullis that Thindra is wearing it even to bed:-))!

Liam has a talking machine; we record messages and then he can press a button to make the message come out. Today I recorded the Happy birthday to you-song so he could sing to Thindra!
Oh, I wish you could have seen him; he was so excited about going! I am absolutely sure he knew he was about to go to a party and have fun!
He was dressed in his best shirt (blue/white striped) and his dressy summer pants! He had gel in his hair and looked SOOOO good!
After a while, at the party, the sound level got a big too high. Thindra gladly left her party to take Liam for a walk in his wheelchair outside! Wow, that little girl is something special!!!



Liam had so much to tell me when he came home! I could tell it had made a big impression on him... it makes me so happy when he comes home and tell me things! I'm so glad he has all these experiences by himself that he tells me about, rather than I experience it with him!!! He is a big boy!!!
In the afternoon he made muffins with raspberry and white chocolate! We ate a couple but are saving most of them for the family outing in the city park tomorrow! Culture Dept. is having a Astrid Lindgren Day there, so there will Pippi Longstocking theatre, Emil singing and lots more! We go every year! Liam loves it!!!!

Max had a visit from the physical therapist yesterday! She showed us how to train him to learn how to move from sitting to laying down (not flipping himself backwards) and guess what... we did it a couple of times yesterday and a couple of times this morning... and in the afternoon he did it all by himself!!! Smart guy!

The physical therapist (her name is Gudrun, and she has worked with Liam since he was four months old!) says that Max is very strong in his upper body! His legs and feet lack some tonus (all relexes ok, though), which is why he is not moving more. But since he was weak in his upper body before, she sees potential for him learning to use his legs! She also sees him using his hands correctly, both hands cooperating to examine things and so on, as positive! But he seems to be weaker in his left side. His reflexes are not so strong there and of course, he should hold his bottle, clap his hands and so on by now!

I am glad Gudrun is now involved in his life, as well as Liam's! She is really good; and she listens to me!

I have pictures from today, but will upload them tomorrow!

Art work

Liam sat outside today and painted to the sound of the rain! Lisa helped him to choose colors but he did all the painting by himself!

Playschool

Today Max and I went to playschool. He especially like the singing. Between every song he hollered, wanting to sing more. He knew most of the songs already, but we also learnt some new ones! We are going back next Tuesday for sure!!!

Moving

Today Max One Sock scooted himself across the whole kitchen floor in his walker! Twice; I pushed him back once and he was right on it, wanting to come back!

He has also studied flies and sat on the floor all by himself for half an hour, while I was cooking!

I applied for school for Max today. It seems the school next to our house is full, so he has to go to another one. Tomorrow we are going to visit both the other schools in Taberg to see which one we like the best!

Dancing Soul Liam had a great time in school. Today they did art work! At home he ran in the hall and kitchen for almost an hour! Max was very loud at dinner but Liam stuck it out! I dread the day when Max finds out that his high pitch sounds scare Liam!

As I am writing, Robert has taken Max downstairs to get a shower, not a bath... Max is not liking it at all! He is screaming!!! We will make daddy read at least two bed time stories tonight, to make up for the shower incident! Soon time to put both boys to bed!

A good Sunday

I woke up with a migraine today, but in the afternoon I was good enough to take the boys to the celebrations of Swedish Flag Day in the hembygdsgård close by. There was a band playing (Liam liked), lots of people (Max liked), cookies and cake (Liam liked) and a dog show (both boys liked).
We called Morfar and he came by too! We had coffee, saft and cookies ("fika") on a blanket in the shade (camera battery went dead right then:-()! Liam ate a big piece of chocolate cake! He would have shared with grandpa, had he been here!

Max fell asleep on the way back; Liam went for a race around the block... the assistants told me so many people smile and say hi when they see Liam in his red "Ferrari" walker! I know, he makes people happy!
Max went to morfar and mormor Christina's for dinner... he made them happy!
Not so many photos today, since I had to recharge batteries (both camera's and my own;-)), but here's one!

Max and the blonde woman

He smiled and flirted with a blonde woman today... I'm not sure how I feel about that! I wish I could keep the feeling/knowledge that darkhaired people are the norm and all blondes are strange creatures! He smiled at a man in his 50's too; I said something about it not being so common that he did... the man said, the baby knows it is Saturday! It is a happy day! I'm glad he is happy ... I'm not! I don't like family being apart! I hate that Max One Sock and Dancing Soul Liam will miss out on so much!
It hurts me so much that their real family will be so far away! This summer will be great, because the final goodbye will be in September; right now it feels like we have all the time in the world... all summer we have something to look forward to!
But when summer is over... what happens then? Skype, phone, msn... we have all the tools; still, it will not be enough! Not even close!

photos

Grandma and grandpa have left

Max is hollering; he wonders where his grandma and grandpa went! All of a sudden the house is so quiet! Especially Max liked it to be filled with people, all there only to love and admire him!
Liam likes it quiet, but when I turn the drum music up he opens his eyes wide open and listens carefully! After he while he starts to sing along! We know he likes it!

This blog is to keep family and friends overseas up to date on what goes on in two little boys' lifes.

Their mom, who is responsible for the updates on this blog, apologizes! She knows, already, she will not be able to keep it up, as she would like to! There will be days, maybe weeks, when she will not find the time to update, sometimes she might just put in some photos... but she will do her best!
We love you so very much! We wish there was a way for us to be together at all times!